Donkeyblog Donkeyshines is the Land of Absurd T-shirts!

I’m not sure if these are as good as some of the past ones, but I figured I’d post them:

1. A birdwatcher comes across a purple bear cub in the woods.
2. Due to strange coincidences, Martha is starting to believe that her daughter’s imaginary friend is actually the ghost of her deceased husband. The only problem is that the imaginary friend happens to be a woman! Desperate for answers, Martha tracks down an old witch doctor that claims he can perform post-corporeal trans-gender operations on spirits who ask for them.
3. In an attempt to ruin Easter, an atheist candy maker begins making his chocolate bunnies out of real rabbits. When The Pope gets wind of this, he sends his two top Swiss Guard Assassins to stop him. The two skilled professionals are confident they can take out their target, but they foresee a much greater challenge in the mission. Will they be able to share a hotel room without giving in to the uncontrollable lust they feel for each other?
4. Coach Jenkins discovers that his star basketball player is a former genie. There are no rules against genies playing, but this one happens to be 600 years old and the school charter states that varsity athletes must be under the age of 18. The situation gets even worse when the team captain of the rival school finds the abandoned lamp and plots to put the genie back in it. Jenkins devises an overly complex plan, and sends the rest of his players to deal with the other team. Meanwhile, the coach attempts to charm the beautiful, but humorless school board director so he can convince her to change the age limitation clause. His plan backfires, though, when the director becomes completely obsessed with him. She decides to help the rival captain put the genie back in the lamp, hoping she can make the coach fall in love with her by using one of her three wishes.
5. A blind man is able to fool the admissions officer of a flight school and begins taking flying lessons. He runs into trouble, however, when they don’t allow his seeing-eye dog on the plane for his first solo flight.
6. A family of ducks moves into an in-ground swimming pool of a suburban Connecticut home. The human family that lives there thinks the ducks are adorable until one day they look out to see the ducks surrounding the dead body of their next door neighbor.
7. When a mummy visits a museum, the curator thinks he’s part of an exhibit that is trying to escape. The curator captures the mummy and seals him in a glass case. That night, the mummy witnesses the murder of a night watchman by a masked intruder. He must find a way to get out of his glass prison and solve the crime.
8. The devil tries to go straight and opens up a sausage shop in a small town. His secret blend of spices wins over the locals right away. However, when a tourist comes down with a case of salmonella and dies, the Feds think Satan is up to his old tricks. They plan a sting operation, and it’s up to the devil’s new loyal customers to clear his name before he gets deported back to hell.

OK, I am finding that coming up with these stories loosens up the brain and helps me be more creative. It also gives me a rest from painting and drawing which is sometimes necessary to recharge the batteries. So here are 5 premises I came up with today. I hope you find them amusing:

1. The principal of an underachieving public school offers the reward of a class field trip to Devil’s Tower, Wyoming for the class with the highest average test scores. Believing that the movie “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” is based on a true story, one 10^th grade biology teacher is desperate to win. She invents a potion that is supposed to make her students more intelligent. The students do grow smarter, but there are some strange side effects. It makes their skin turn green-ish gray, their eyes become large black and lidless, and all of their hair falls out. The teacher now fears that the aliens at Devil’s Tower will feel like they’re being mocked because of her class’s appearance!
2. When a rich dragon moves to town, the politically correct mayor tries to outlaw the playing of the game Dungeons and Dragons. A group of teens continues to play in secret, but when they are spotted in the woods enacting a medieval battle, their game is mistaken for a plot to kill the dragon. It turns out the mayor is actually trying to set the teens up. He plans to kill the dragon himself, steal the treasure, and frame the teens for it.
3. A man with a terminal illness decides to take control of his situation by arranging what he considers to be a more noble demise for himself. He takes a trip to the Sunderbans in India with the intention of encountering a hungry tiger in the wilderness. He has always loved this majestic beast and thinks he actually was one in a past life. As irony would have it, just as he is about to confront a large male Bengal, he is attacked by a crocodile! The ravenous tiger does not stand for this, and dives into the pond to fight for his food. The two animals kill each other, and the man is left alive to once again ponder his fate.
4. Bob begins attending Clown College only to find that the school is actually a front for a mysterious cult. Members engage in bizarre rituals such as juggling, riding tiny tricycles, and hitting each other with pies. Bob decides it is up to him to bring down this twisted organization, and he starts a blog dedicated to exposing their secrets. It turns out that Bob hadn’t ever seen a clown before and didn’t know anything about them. He eventually realizes that what he witnessed at the college was perfectly normal clown behavior. Unfortunately, this revelation comes too late, as he has already ruined the dean’s life by publicizing his extramarital affairs.
5. An eccentric billionaire passes away, leaving her entire estate to her 12 kangaroos. The “non-kangaroo” members of her family object, but a judge rules that the will is valid. He then puts in motion a plot that has him don a kangaroo costume and murder the eldest of the heirs. In doing so, he discovers that one of the kangaroos is actually the old woman herself in a costume! She had set the whole thing up as a way to deprive her ungrateful children of her fortune. Overcoming an initial distrust of one another, the judge and the billionaire eventually fall in love. They vow to never remove their costumes, and to never speak another word in any human language for the rest of their lives.