Donkeyblog

This past weekend at the Trocadero in Philadelphia, we had what is likely to be the last Kaiju Big Battel event. Overall I’d say it was a great success, although two of the most popular characters did not survive the mayhem. Poor Super Wrong was poisoned by Dr. Cube, and died mid-splash from the top of the cage as he pinned Super Minion 13 for is first and only Kaiju victory. Later, Dr. Cube was himself killed during a battle with Powa Ranguru when he was accidentally impaled by a trophy. The Trocadero crowd was one of the best we’ve had in years, though I wonder if they realized this was probably the last time they would see us live.

We had virtually no practice for this show, but I was not at all nervous because we wrote  pretty easy matches. That is, we wrote  matches which we knew would be successful even if all of our spots weren’t perfectly executed. My main match was a tag match featuring all three Plantain brothers reunited. Zombie Pablo joined his brothers Pedro and Paco after he was cured of his zombie-ism by Dusto Bunny and his box of stem cells. Without going into too many details, the match ended with the heroes being victorious, celebrating with a drink of royal jelly provided by their one-time opponent Yarsmenko. Earlier in the match, Yars ditched his tag partner Craw in order to get drunk and take a nap on a pile of crushed sky scrapers. In the end Craw was left alone to fight all of the heroes, but I don’t think anybody felt sorry for him. In addition to the Plantain match, I had a small cameo in the Main Event as Dai Hachi Hachi. This spot can be summed up as creepy dancing, followed by an exploding box of Honey Comb cereal.

Unlike most shows, I really didn’t get to see any of the other matches. This is especially disappointing because, if Kaiju is truly folding, then there may not be a DVD release of this show. There is some fan footage on Youtube, but no complete matches at the moment. I did manage to find this long clip which includes parts from all four matches. I guess it will have to do for the time being. If this really is the end of Kaiju it is quite sad. I’ve been a part of this for ten years, and had some really good times. There were always high hopes for glory and main stream acceptance, and at times it looked like we might actually get there. We did a stint on Jimmy Kimmel, had a bit on ESPN, made national and international news, did a special for MTV and shot a TV pilot for the G4 network, but nothing ever materialized from these opportunities. Part of me was always glad, however, because the amateurish quality is what made Kaiju Big Battel fun for me and for the fans.  Of course, it would have been nice not to have had to pile 8 people in a single hotel room or sleep on someone’s floor while we were traveling. Or, if we all could have been adequately paid for our work, that would have been nice, too. Yet, even without all the luxuries, our fans made us feel like movie stars.  They’ll never know my name or face, and to be honest, there’s no reason they should. Pedro Plantain and Dai Hachi Hachi exist separately from me, and either suit could have been filled by any of the other folks in the group. However, I still feel like the characters’ fame is MY fame. When my sister saw a couple dressed as Plantains at a Halloween party in NY a few years back, I felt exactly how Richard Nixon must have felt when he saw his own likeness in the hit action movie Point Break. Perhaps someone will find a way to keep Kaiju going, or resurrect it in some different form. If this the case, I hope I can continue to be a part of it in some way. And, hopefully this time around, they’ll give us all our own beds to sleep in when we travel.

So here’s the X-mas card my wife made for me this year:

Sadly we didn’t get to spend the holidays together, as she is in Pittsburgh with her family, and I spent X-mas with mine in Latham, NY. Ideally, I would join her in Pit for New Years, but this year I have a Kaiju show. Which, I guess, is why she made this card. While Kaiju is not quite professional wrestling, we have been known to use those same scary props that the big boys do. Early on, I promised Vanessa that I personally would never use ladders, chairs or tables, and for the most part I’ve kept this promise. I’ve been involved in tables matches, but wasn’t the one going through the table. My involvement in ladder matches has also been limited. In one match, I carried the latter to the ring, and in another, I was on the ground when someone else fell from a ladder after being smashed over the head with a florescent light bulb. The glass did fly towards my face, but I swatted it away even though I was supposed to be “unconscious”. By the way, I am the Plantain in the picture, and actually have used a chainsaw, a trash can, and a slice of pizza as weapons  in past matches, and have been clobbered by giant foam mallets in others. Due to fire code restrictions, we weren’t allowed to actually start the chainsaw because of the gasoline and smoke involved. That was disappointing at the time, but in the end, it made things much easier. Also, the pizza wasn’t real either. It was made of foam. I hope I didn’t ruin the Kaiju experience by exposing all these secrets. Seeing “The Wrestler” actually increased my interest in professional wrestling, so I’m hoping this blog post has the same effect. Kaiju really is fun, and anyone who is planning on spending New Year’s Eve in Boston should come to the show. It will be part of First Night, and will take place at Hynes Convention Center in Exhibit Hall A at 9:30PM.