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December 29, 2009

Kaiju X-mas, Kaiju New Years

Filed under: Kaiju Big Battel — Ryan Klemek @ 9:47 am

So here’s the X-mas card my wife made for me this year:

assx-mascard09

Sadly we didn’t get to spend the holidays together, as she is in Pittsburgh with her family, and I spent X-mas with mine in Latham, NY. Ideally, I would join her in Pit for New Years, but this year I have a Kaiju show. Which, I guess, is why she made this card. While Kaiju is not quite professional wrestling, we have been known to use those same scary props that the big boys do. Early on, I promised Vanessa that I personally would never use ladders, chairs or tables, and for the most part I’ve kept this promise. I’ve been involved in tables matches, but wasn’t the one going through the table. My involvement in ladder matches has also been limited. In one match, I carried the latter to the ring, and in another, I was on the ground when someone else fell from a ladder after being smashed over the head with a florescent light bulb. The glass did fly towards my face, but I swatted it away even though I was supposed to be “unconscious”. By the way, I am the Plantain in the picture, and actually have used a chainsaw, a trash can, and a slice of pizza as weapons  in past matches, and have been clobbered by giant foam mallets in others. Due to fire code restrictions, we weren’t allowed to actually start the chainsaw because of the gasoline and smoke involved. That was disappointing at the time, but in the end, it made things much easier. Also, the pizza wasn’t real either. It was made of foam. I hope I didn’t ruin the Kaiju experience by exposing all these secrets. Seeing “The Wrestler” actually increased my interest in professional wrestling, so I’m hoping this blog post has the same effect. Kaiju really is fun, and anyone who is planning on spending New Year’s Eve in Boston should come to the show. It will be part of First Night, and will take place at Hynes Convention Center in Exhibit Hall A at 9:30PM.

December 20, 2009

Vain Santa Wants to Be an Ice Warrior

Filed under: Artwork — Ryan Klemek @ 10:52 am

IceSantacard

I started this painting back in September because  PS Print was having a sale on greeting card printing, but then I realized even with the discount, it wasn’t going to be cost-effective to print and sell them for the low price that I would want to. I also wasn’t sure how well it would sell at Donkeyshines since there were no animals in it, and it wasn’t all that interesting or funny of a concept. I ended up finishing the painting, though, because I had fun painting the ice. I printed up a few cards which I’m sending to family members, although they probably won’t get them before X-mas. I just finished this on Friday and the cards won’t go out until Monday. Next up is the painting for the Jesus Turtle, and then the Donkey Pegasus Hat.

December 10, 2009

New Story Premises

Filed under: Story Premises — Tags: — Ryan Klemek @ 2:23 pm

Here are those story premises I told you about in the title of this post:

  1. An eccentric billionaire inventor makes jet packs for the consumer market. The problem is, they must be powered by human blood. Lots of it.
  2. Jerry Dolans, a.k.a Agent Jackknife, was the best spy in the biz. His Turret’s affliction was never an issue until one day it directly led to the death of his contact in Geneva. Because of his high standing with the president, Jerry is given clearance to try an experimental (and highly classified) treatment for his disease. Unfortunately the treatment actually worsens his condition. However, there is a happy side effect, as his extra swearing outbursts turns him into the ultimate stand-up comedian. His career takes off quickly, but he soon runs into trouble when he starts doing jokes about his old spy days. With his former employers out to kill him, he enlists the help of a small band of Facebook fans to protect him and help get his story out.
  3. Officials in a small Georgia town pass a law which makes obesity mandatory. The track stars of the local high school organize a major protest in front of town hall. When the mayor dies of an obesity-related heart attack, the track team is charged with murder. With their due process rights being ignored, they are forced to plan an escape from the jail house before what is guaranteed to be a sham of a trial. The townspeople are demanding the death penalty, and the judge is up for re-election.
  4. A celebrity chef must go into hiding after a series of ridiculously unlikely and unrelated coincidences cause the deaths of every single person eating at his restaurant one night. After a few months pass, the restaurant is abandoned and condemned. The chef then moves into the boarded up building and pretends to be a ghost to frighten off curious trespassers. However, it turns out the place really IS haunted- by the ghosts of all the people who died that fateful night. Fortunately, they’re all idiots and can’t see through the chef’s disguise.
  5. A kung-fu instructor has some explaining to do when is beaten up by two 10-yr old boys at a beach.

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